Funny Motivational Quotes

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Funny Motivational Quotes

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

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Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't.

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You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

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None of us is as dumb as all of us.

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There's no way I was born to just pay bills & die

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

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If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

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When you have failed at being nice, you've actually succeeded in being mean. Success is everywhere if you know where to look for it.

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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips

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If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big.

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Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

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Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.

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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living the world owes you nothing; it was here first.

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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

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Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

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Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.

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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

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If you rest, you rust.

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When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

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A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.

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I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy

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I've lit the blue touch paper and found there's nowhere to retire to.

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The great thing about show business is that there's no mandatory retirement age.

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Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

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To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. - Voltaire Do be do be do.

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The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

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The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.

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The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that an optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

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Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

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Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.

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A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

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Nations do not mistrust each other because they are armed they are armed because they mistrust each other.

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Politics is war carried out without bloodshed while war is politics carried out with bloodshed.

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Use your free time for self development.Listen to motivational or educational cassettes while driving to work.

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The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen.

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Some people develop a wish bone where their back bone should be.

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There's no half singing in the shower you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

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Start off every day with a smile and get it over with...

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

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Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts.

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The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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If you want truly to understand something, try to change it."

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A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

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Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.

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The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

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The way to succeed is to double your failure rate.

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I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

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I am a strong believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

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Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.

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When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.

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"There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning and yearning."

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The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.

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If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

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Boy; I Really Like You. Girl; Cool Story Bro, How many Girls Did You Tell That Too?

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If someone calls you ugly say "ugly starts with u"

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Laughter is the best medicine.

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