Funny Poems - Short Funny Poems on Love and Birthday for Friend

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Funny Poems

They put me in the oven to bake. Me, a deprived and miserable cake. Feeling the heat, I started to bubble. Watching the others, I knew I was in trouble. They opened the door and I started my life. Frosting me with a silver knife, Decorating me with candy jewels. The rest of my batch looked like fools. Lifting me up, she took off my wrapper. Feeling the breeze, I wanted to slap her. Opening her mouth with shiny teeth inside, This was the day this cupcake died.

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it's funny how hello is always finished with goodbye it's funny how good memories can make you cry it's funny how forever never seems to last it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past it's funny how "friends" can just leave when you are down it's funny how when you need someone they never are around it's funny how people change and think they are so much better it cant be packed in one letter it's funny how one night can contain so much regret because the funniest part of all, is none of thats funny to me

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I'm happy for others to exercise, So long as it doesn't include me, I'd rather relax with my feet up, While watching sports on TV.

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My turn signal wasn't working, So I asked for help from a friend. "Stand behind the car," I said. "Let's get this problem to end." "When I turn the signal on, If it's working, let me know." I hit the blinker and then I heard: "Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!"

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Love True, unbridled love Is looking at what I just did On the sidewalk Then picking it up in a bag I can only imagine as a treasured keepsake Wow, the collection you must have by now.

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Once in Texas
I caught a Baxas
and it gave me the heebie jeebies.
So I went to Florida
were I saw the Anacolida
wrapped all around my kneesies!
I thought I'd go north
to get away from those sorts
but then I got the sneezies.
A boy just can't win
so I'm staying in
before there is no more mesies!

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I've fallen in love- I don't know why
I've fallen in love with a girl with one eye.
I knew from the start. It was plain to see
That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me
She's charming and witty and jolly and jocular
Not what you'd expect from a girl who's monocular.

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Once, there was a white cat
Who was really, really fat
So fat
She looked like a bat
Who has eaten a huge rat.

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Love
True, unbridled love
Is looking at what I just did
On the sidewalk
Then picking it up in a bag
I can only imagine as a treasured keepsake
Wow,the collection you must have by now.

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It's funny how much you know some
And it's funny how little you know some
It's funny how much support
You receive at one's passing
The turn up at the nine night
And on the burial day
And its funny after all is over
The few that remain in touch
It's funny how some understands
And some don't or choose not to
And it's funny that life must carry on
With or without help

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I was a dare devil,
I always raised the level,
I got bruises and scars,
But that didn't stop me from going bizarre
I would jump and skate,
But it wasn't my fate,
I have to find something else to do,
Before I don't have a clue

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It's OK to tell a secret
to a dolphin or a seal,
but a pig cannot be trusted,
for a pig will always squeal!

***************

My turn signal wasn't working,
So I asked for help from a friend.
Stand behind the car, I said.
Let's get this problem to end.
When I turn the signal on,
If it's working, let me know.
I hit the blinker and then I heard:
Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!

***************

I slide myself into you,
so soft so warm,

I feel your tongue upon my skin.
keeping me from harm.

I feel so lucky, love at first site.
I tried to restrain myself.

when I saw you on that night.
we mesh so well.

***************

The sunrise from the west.
give us lights.
The lights overhead.
the sun shine.
Shine over our head.
make us tan.
Then burn us dead.

***************

As soon as Fred gets out of bed.
His underwear goes on his head.

His mother laughs "Don't put it there,
A head's no place for underwear!".

But near his ears, above his brains,
Is where Fred's underwear remains.

At night when Fred goes back to bed,
He deftly plucks it off his head.

His mother switches off the light.
And softly croons,"Good night! Good night!"

***************

Run chicken run.
The farmers got the gun.

The wife has the oven hot.
And your the one.

So run and run.
So you dont get served with a bun.

***************

What's going on? My brother Barry asked of me
"Stick up your head, and tell us what you see
We'd built a fort of old "Tea Chest's" and sod
To fight a "Clod" war with the "Belchambers" mob

***********

This sorry tale of how good health can lead a man to strife
Was told by one who'd never had a crook day in his life.
Not since he was a nipper had old George been taken ill.
Avoiding plague like maladies had taken quite some skill.

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Rattlesnake stew
centipede salad
seaweed and jellyfish sandwich
milk mixed with glue
a-chooberry pie
I hope the old bat doesn't die!

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Smiling is infectious you can catch it like the flu
when someone smiled at me I started smiling too
when I passed the corner someone saw my grin
when he smiled I realized I passed it onto him

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I show respect for the bus driver by
I show respect for my teacher by
I show respect for the cafeteria monitor by
I show respect for my fellow students by
I show respect for the janitor by
and so on.

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Mixed signals flowing left and right
Unsaid feelings always locked up tight
Confusion now running high
Will anything happen between you and I?
Your broken heart reveals nothing
And as always I am left wondering what it all means
But it's time for us to come clean
My heart can't take more indecision.

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The sun is like your face
but its not a disgrace
so many people look up to it
and then they change their ways

***********

Have you heard of sweet tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails by dawn
all of Andy's bed is gone.

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I feel like a clown
thats why I'm so down
this is not any fun
because you weigh a ton.
I do not like you
because you are a piece of poo.

***********

I'm writing you this new love letter
and then I'll post it to your door
So you can understand my love much better
and see you're the one that I adore

***********

I know how it is to need money
As much as I can get
My teenager goes to the mall
And I go into debt.

***********

It's funny how hello iz always finished with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can make u cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much u would lose if u forgot about ur past.

***********

The orchestra's mid-rehearsal
And I'm dying for a pee
But, although I'm holding up my hand
I can't make the teacher see
I clash the cymbals, bang the drum
But he doesn't hear my plea
If I have a tinkle on the piano
Then he's sure to notice me.

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Mr Camel and Miss Dromedary were married
And in time a baby was due.
Said Mrs Camel to her beloved
'Would you prefer one hump or two?'

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AMBITION cannot find him
Affection doesn't know
How many leagues of Nowhere
Lie between them now.
Yesterday undistinguished
Eminent today,
For our mutual honor
Immortality

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Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

***********

Some dinosaurs had tiny brains
no larger than a pea.
When my teacher read that
it reminded her of me

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The worlds shortest poem is not shorter then this :)

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