Humorous Christmas Poems

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Humorous Christmas Poems

A chubby little snowman had a carrot nose. Along came a bunny, and what do you suppose? That hungry little bunny, looking for some lunch, Grabbed that snowman's nose, Nibble, nibble, crunch!

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Toy Elmo got drunk on Christmas Day. His laugh drove everyone nuts. We got the battery out of him so fast In a manner of speaking, we tore out his guts.

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad, There was nada happenin', now thats pretty bad. The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine, In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene. With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer, My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer. When out in the yard there arose such a racket, I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket.

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Enjoy your Christmas day in peace Avoid any kind of quarrel or wrangle Chill out, relax and enjoy the day And don't get your tinsel in a tangle

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Happy Christmas" is what I chose to say But many greetings are used for the day To one and all during the festive season And different languages are the reason Say "Frolyke Kerstfeest" or "Joyoo Noel" "Felleeth Navidad" even "Glaydlig Yool" "Kalla Kristoogenna", "Boo-on Natarlee" "Boas Festas" or "Sheng Dan Kwhy Lee" You could say "Frerlicker Vine-akten" Or maybe "Roshdesrom Kristovim" then So you can say it in very many ways But please never say "Happy Holidays

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No room in the inn, of course, And not that much in the stable What with the shepherds, Magi, Mary, Joseph, the heavenly host � Not to mention the baby Using our manger as a cot. You couldn't have squeezed another cherub in For love or money. Still, in spite of the overcrowding, I did my best to make them feel wanted. I could see the baby and I Would be going places together.

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Kicking Santa is not nice to do. Chuck Norris has replaced him, 'tis true. You'd better not pout, or a swollen snout, and a stocking of whoop-ass for you!

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One little star on the top of the tree, Two little presents underneath for me, Three silver ropes twisted around the tree, Four colored lights shining prettily, Five shining balls flowing silvery. Oh, what a sight for use to see!

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Oh fruitcake, oh fruitcake, Why are you heavy like a rock? And why do people keep sending you to me? I really wish they would stop. fruitcake Your texture is like rubber, And your fruit is chewy like gum. I think no one would give you as a gift, If they'd ever eaten some. I really hate to be wasteful, And I don't like to act rash, But I can't take it anymore, You're going into the trash

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I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy a sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it... For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve.

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A snake hunter hunting snakes just for fun
Thinks, "What will I do if I find one?
He thinks to himself, "I'll climb a tree
But snakes can climb faster than he
A snake hunter hunting snakes just for fun
Searching and hoping he'll find some
If he finds a slithering copperhead
He vows to bludgeon until it's dead.

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Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip:
The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
Except for the few who were partying drunks.
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face.

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Christmas is coming, The geese are getting fat, Please put a penny In the old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny, A ha'penny will do, If you haven't got a ha'penny, Then God bless you.

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There was an old fellow named Claus
With a case of the mid-winter blahs.
Taught his reindeer to fly
So they took to the sky.
The taps on your roof may be paws

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Christmas is great but,
Everyone's insane!
Going crazy with this funny Christmas game
Wrapping gifts and cooking food
And no one has time or is not in the mood.
Giving gifts to one another
No one has time for my brother
No attention for me at all
I can't even go to the mall!
Christmas morning comes and what do I see

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There was an old fellow named Claus.
With a case of the mid-winter blahs.
Taught his reindeer to fly.
So they took to the sky.
The taps on your roof may be paws.

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There's nothing like Christmas.
And woods deep in snow.
To make us remember.
The dear long ago.

Down life's weary highway,
Years pass single file,
But deep in us all.
Lives a bit of the child.

The same breathless wonder.
Floods over us when.
The gray skies lose snowflakes.
That dance in the wind.

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Like some cool refreshing water.
Or a gentle summer breeze,
Like a fresh bouquet of flowers.
Or the smell of autumn leaves,
It's a banquet for the spirit.
Filled with family, food and friends,
So allow yourself some happiness.
It's Christmas time again!

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Put your problems on probation.
Run your troubles off the track.
Throw your worries out the window.
Get the monkeys off your back.
Silence all your inner critics.
With your conscience make amends.
And allow yourself some happiness.
It's Christmas time again!.

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Last night I found my sweetheart Flo.
Posed neath a spray of mistletoe.
"How come", said I, "when Christmas Day.
Is still a good long week away.
"Ah, shucks", she said. "Don't make me blush.
Shop early and avoid the rush!".

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Dad's on a ladder.
Out hanging up lights.
Mom's baking cookies.
And we're having fights.

Grandma is wrapping.
Our gifts by the tree.
We keep on fighting.
My brother and me.

In two days, it's Christmas.
All over our town.
But we won't stop fighting.
Till Santa comes down.

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They used to be.All red and green.
But now they're.White and blue.

The Christmas lights.Like so much else.
Have changed their.Point of view.

They're not about.The holiday.
They're all about.The "season".

But red and green.Or blue and white.
Well, Christmas.Is the reason!.

Merry Christmas!.

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Anyone who believes That man is the equal Of women has never seen A man trying to Wrap a Christmas present.

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Everybody stops & stares at me these two teeth are gone as you can see I don't know just who to blame for this catastrophe! But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be.

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When I was a child I believed in Santa Claus When I got older I didn't believe in Santa Claus When I became a parent I was Santa Claus Now I have grandchildren I look like Santa Claus.

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For Christmas I bought my Auntie A brand new wooden leg I didn't have it specially made No I just got it off the peg You may say it's not a nice gift Or even that it's a killer It wasn't her main present though It was just stocking filler.

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Humorous Christmas Poems

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