Funny Life Quotes

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Funny Life Quotes

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

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Life is hard, after all, it kills you.

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

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It's okay to look at the past and the future. Just don't stare.

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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

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I think I've discovered the secret of life � you just hang around until you get used to it.

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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

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The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

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Hope life is not a big joke, because I do not get it.

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Growing up is amazing, until you get old!

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

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I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.

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Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

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A best friend is like a four leaf clover hard to find lucky to have.

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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

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The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

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If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

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In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

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An unwatched pot boils immediately.

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It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

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Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "I am with you kid Let's go!

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If we can't be free, we at least can be cheap.

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I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

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Who in the world am I? Ah that's the great puzzle.

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If u wish to live wisely ignore sayings including this one.

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Nothing in life is to be feared.It is only to be understood.

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An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived?

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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable

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Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine..

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Life is just one damned thing after another.

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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, "I am with you kid Let's go.

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Behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon.

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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

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Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

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Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.

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You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree.

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In my house, I am the boss. My wife is the decision maker.

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Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

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Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

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Laziness is nothing more than a habit to take a rest before you are tired.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

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"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over."

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Most technology problems can be fixed two ways: 1) Turn it off and on. 2) Don't be an idiot.

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The only thing good that can possibly be said about Monday is that it is only four days away from Friday.

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As an unemotional person, I never thought pieces of papers will make me cry .... until I started to pay my bills.

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