Funny Marriage Quotes

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Funny Marriage Quotes

Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.

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Marriage is beautiful but not essential.

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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife

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A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.

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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

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My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

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"No! Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids � eat them!"

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

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Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

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A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

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Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.

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We don't love qualities we love persons sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.

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Marriage is a WORKSHOP Where man works and woman shops!

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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

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Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

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Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering

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The longest sentence you can form with two words is "I do.

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Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.

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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

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If you rest, you rust.

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

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If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

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It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

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The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

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I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

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Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

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The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.

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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

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I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

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Ah, yes, divorce from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jurys.

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled Women are from Venus Men are Wrong.

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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

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Marrying for love may be a bit risky but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

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A married man should forget his mistakes. no use two people remembering the same thing.

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I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

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A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.

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"A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers."

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

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The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward.

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Funny Marriage Quotes

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