Funny Sms

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Funny Facebook Status

80% Of Final Exam Will Be Based On the Lectures You Missed and the Books You Did't Read.



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Teacher: "Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?" Johnny: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.



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Air and students have the same mentality How? Dont you know how ? Both keep turning book's pages without reading



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Teacher: You failed the test. Me: You failed to educate me.



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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Pupil: A teacher.



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John:Hey Dave!
Dave:Dont talk to me.
John:Why what did i do?
Dave:last night you were so drunk you took my iPad and put it in the blender .
John:Really!!
Dave:And you said you were making apple juice.




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"I am not afraid to get up in the night; I was just testing how much my mattress can absorb."




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Zombies are looking for brains!
Don't worry you're safe.




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In the gym:
"I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?", a man asks the trainer.
Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"




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Have you ever noticed that a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are exactly the same ?? ??
A man and a woman are proportional to each other :\ ??




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I grew up with six brothers.
That's how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.




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Money is made from Paper,
Paper is made from Woods,
Woods are from Trees,
Which means
Money grows on Trees




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A very emotional quote..!
Attachment is not when
two people chat day & night ...
Attachment is not when
two people can't live without each other ...
Attachment is not when
two people can't stay away from each other for a moment ...
But when the Boss sends an email to you with subject as
'Increment letter' and the attached file is missing ...
That missing file is called Attachment ... !!




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Sardar- why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?




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Pathan: Aaj mai bus ke peche bhagty howe ghar tak aya hon, owr karaye ke 20 rupey bhi bacha leye.
.
2nd Pathan: Tum boht bewakof ho, Rekshe ke peche bhagty tu 80 rupey bach jaty




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Friend 1: what did the volcano say
to the other volcano?
Friend 2: Nothing. Volcanoes are inanimate
objects that do not possess the ability
to speak
Friend 1: You killed it.




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1 larki bahot romantic ho k apnay molvi boyfriend
say

aaj main boht khush hon
Mango kia mangtay ho

Molvi sharma k bola:
Iss sal zakat hamary Madarsy ko dena.




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How Come The Dove
Gets To Be The PEACE
Symbol ?

How About Pillow ?

It Has More Feathers,
Than The Dove

And

It Doesn't Have That
Dangerous Beak ... ;->




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funny but true fact..
.
.
Relationship between lovers in today's age:-
you can touch each other..
but
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
u cannot touch each other's mobile..!




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Teacher: "Johnny, Im Glad To See Your Writing Has Improved."

Johnny: "Thank You"

Teacher: "Now, Finally,

I Can See How Bad Your Spellings R!!!"




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Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can't
teach us all the subjects,
Then...
How could you expect a single student
to learn ALL subjects ?




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All Samsung Officials Are Withdrawing Their Children From School,
As The First Thing
Children R Being Taught IZ ___
.
.
.
‘A for Apple' =P =D




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Define A woman....
.
.
.
.
.
Someone who can talk 4 hours while standing at the door .
.
.
but she won't sit ...
Because shes getting LATE...:




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Girl: Which Laptop do u have..?
Boy : I have a HP G-62 with Intel core i3 processor 2.3 Ghz,
Windows 7, 64 bit..
2 Gb RAM & Intel 1 Gb graphics CARD..

And Which laptop do u have..?

Girl: Pink colour ka.. :P




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Amazing truth : When your mom decides
to be in your room while you are on the computer.. .
You just switch to GOOGLE and stare at it..!! :P :D ;-)




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Only two types of Communications are fastest in the world...
.
.
.
E-mail to email
&
Female to female...:-):-D




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Height of Good Luck....!...

Teacher: Hey! Stand up. Tell me two pronouns.
.
.
.
.
.
Student: Who? Me?

Teacher: Very good.....Sit down :D




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Boy: I am not rich like rohit,
I don't even have a bid car like rohit.
But I really love you!
Girl: I love you too,
but tell me more about rohit..




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Zindgi Me Kabhi Tention Mat Lena
Bindas Ho K I Love U Kehna
Agar
Gulab K Badle Sandal Mile To
Kehna Pyari Behana Sada Khush Rhana...




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In India, Actors are playing Cricket;
Cricketers are playing Politics;
Politicians are watching Porn;
And Porn Stars are becoming Actors




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Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said Im 1yr elder to you...........
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.




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Mirza Ghalib kya khoob keh gae hain,
Jald bazi me Shaadi kar k saara jeevan bigaar lo gey,
Wah,Wah.
.
.
.
.
.
Or Soch samaj K karoge to bhi konsa "TEER" maar lo gay?




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Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar:
Im writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he cant read very fast.




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A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OF THEM..




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Height Of Thinking
Two Friends Failed In 10th Study Again N Again.. ..
.
.
.
.
.
.
1st Friend: Lets Suicide Oohhhh!.
.
.
.
.
2nd Friend: No Ways!
If V Suicide than in Next Life Again
We Have To Study From \'Pre Nursery\'




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If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.
.
.
But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.
.
.
Think different.
Add wife, have life.




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Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.




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Do not argue with an idiot.
He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.




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Do you know why Polish men,
when they go to sleep, bring one glass full of water and one cup empty?
It's because they doesn't know if they'll be thirsty or not.




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To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.




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1 larka dosre larke se:
Yaar tum ne kabhi koi larki phansai hai?
2nd boy:
Yaar larki main ne phansa li thi per tum logon ne ye mohalla hi chor diya...




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A Guy Searching,
These Keywords on Google:
"How to Tackle A Wife.."
Google Search Result: "Good Morning, Sir, even We are Searching.."




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In this world everybody makes mistakes,
but only Girlfriend and Wife have the God-gifted talent of
finding them,
remembering them,
& reminding them.




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Larki ka bap larki se: jise tum pasand karti ho us k pas bangala, car, jaidad he.
Larki: toba he sub mard ek jasay hote han wo bhi aap k bare ma yahi pooch raha tha..




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Commerce professor asks the student:
what is the most important source of finance for starting business?
Student: Father in law.




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Arz kiya haii- Ap ke chehre par udaasi aur aankho mein nami haii ....
- - - - - - - - - -
TATA NAMAK Iztemaal karo, Ap me iodine ki kami haii .... !




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Papa bete se : beta teacher na maa saman hoti ha.
Beta reply : papa ap toh haimeshai apna hi kaam banane ki sochte rehte ho.......




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A Boy Was Going With His G.F.
Friend Asked: Who Is She?
Boy: My Cousin....
The Friend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin....! :




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1 Larki Fouj Main Bhairti hui.
Friend Ne Pucha K Job Kesi Lagi?
Larki:Bas Yar Sara Din Yes Sir,Yes Sir
or
Sari raat Bs sir, Bs sir Kehte Guzrti Hy.




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Shadi nahi asaan bs itna samajh leejiay !
K fenail ki goli hai aur choos k khani hai !

Dedicated to all singles....




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Ek admi bakrian chara raha thi
Sardar: vey bakrian kithe le chailla en?
Admi :inhen school chorne ja raha hn
Sardar :menu pagal samjhia e?
aj te atwar ae.




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1 admi park mein apni B.V k sath betha tha k itny mein
1 or aurat uski B.V k pas a kar boli
"Paisy pehly le lena ye admi baad main bohat drama karta hai".




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Funny but true fact :
Relationship between lovers in today's age.
. You can touch each other but you cannot touch each other's mobile.:-)




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Rooster and cat going over a bridge
Cat slips and falls in river.
Rooster can't stop laughing.
What it's the moral of story?
wherever there's a wet pussy there's a happy cock.




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Man1: If u have any problem at your home give a missed call to me.
Women1: If i don't have balance in my mobile?
Man1: Please give a call from ur sister phone..
(I can have both....in my (mobile) memory.




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Son was crying
Father came and said: Why are you crying?
Tell me I am your best friend na?
Son: kuch nahi yaar ice cream ziyada mang li thi to teri wali ne mara haiy.




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Insaan ka sab se ziyada dil kab jalta hay?
Jab ap original Nokia ka mobile le kar behte hon aor koi aa kar kahe..
China ka Hay?




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The difference between scientific theory and reality is like
the difference between reading the menu and eating dinner.




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human fall in love,
that is normal.
cows eat grass,
that is ok.
but when a monkey
Press a mobile key bored
Amazing!!!
Are you still pressing?




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Husband: Meri BV Gum ho Gae Haiy!
Post Master: andhay ye post office hay
Police Station jao.
Husband: Maaf Kejeay Ga Khushi may Samjh nai a Rhai Kidhair jaaon?




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Ap aik brilliant'beautiful'genius'smart'
nice'gud looking'intelligent'respectful'kind
ideal larkay ka sms par rahe ho.




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Khush to bahot hoge tum
Ki forward karne ke liye SMS mil gaya
Magar aab kya karoge.?
Jab msg me kuch bhi nahi mila.?
Hai hai hai hai




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wakeel: my lord kanoon ki kitaab ke saffha number 15 ke mutabiq mere muakkal ko ba izzat-bari kia jaye.
JUDGE: kitaab paish ki jaye
(kitab pesh ki gaye)
judge ny saffa khola to uss mei 5000, 5000 k do note thay.
JUDGE: is tarah k do saboot aur pesh kiye jayein.




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What's common between the sun and women's underwear?
a) Both are hot
b) Both look better while going down
c) Both disappear by night.




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son to father:bachai zyada intelligent hota hay ya bap?
Father:bap
son:achai' pakiztan kis ny bnaya?
father:Quaid-e-Azam ne
son:unk bap nay qion nahi bnaya




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When somebody who is deeply in Love with u tells that
You are Cute, beautiful, and angelic
I agree. That's true
Believe me
I swear because love is definitely blind.




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Bazi gar o bazi gar, apni ammi ko razi kar tu na dil mera tora me na elfi sa jora,
meri elfi k paise wapiz kar bazi gar o bazi gar




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1 Angraiz PAKIsTAN aya URDU sekhnay.
Kuch arsey baad woo wapas gaya to logo ne kaha k kya sekhai?

!
Angraiz ne kahai
BiJLI CHAILI GAYI
BiJLI A GAYI




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Can we do romance in the evening today?
I'm in a good mood
Just a little bit of kissing and biting
Reply me soon!
Yours lovingly
"MOSQUITO"




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Sometimes small things in life hurt a lot
If you don't agree with me, then try to sit on a pin.




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Ap nahi to zindagi main kya rah jayga
dur tak tanhaieyon ka silsila rah jayga
Har kadam par sath chalna mere dost varna
apka ye dost akela rah jayga




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Ak Arabi toilet main mobile per baat ker key baher aya.
to pathan ne usey boht mara.
Logo ne waja pooche
Pathain: Ye sala toilet main TILAWAT ker rhai thai.




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Today i was cooking chicken when i added green palak
Chicken started singing and dancing
" HUM PAY YE KIZ NAY HAIRA RANG DALA
MAR DALA HAIAY MAR DALA "



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Teacher: Qayamat ky din zameen phait jiay g, aasman tukry tukry ho jiay ga
Pathain: Sir to kia us din school say chuti ho gi




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Two Punjabi's Mummy Film Daykh Rahaiy They
Film Khaitam Huee To Donon Kahney Lgey
Lay Dus Aaa Kee Film Hoe
Film Khaitam Ho Gaee Par SULTAN RAHi Naee Ayaa..




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Dulhan Apney Dost Sey Shadi key din
Yaar Koee Aisee Baat Batao Jo
Mein Apnee Bewi Sy Jaatay Hee Kahon
Tou Wo Heyraan Ho Jay.
Dost:Tum Jaatay He Apnee Bewi Ko Talaak Dey Daynaa!




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Zindagi Mai ek Larkee Itni Pyaree Lagee
Us Ky Haith Kee Daal Bhi Haimen Nihairee Lagee
Jany Kia Jaduu Tha Usky Personality Mai K
Married Honay Kay Bawajood Haimein Kunwaree Lagee :)




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Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!




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I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer when the glass is empty i take the next one!




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What is confidence?
10 boys decided to propose a girl
9 boys came with Roses,
1 boy came with
"MOLVI"

This is confidence...!





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sussti kee intihaa,
Son:papa aik glasss paanee day do
Papa:khud lay lo
Son:plz day do naa papa
Papa:Ab mangaa tou thappar maron gaa
Son:Thappar marnay aao tou paani laytay aanaa:-)




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Fantastic Answer by a philosopher
to a question asked at the BBC.
Define Birthday!

Answer: The only day in your life,
when you cried & your mother was smiling..!




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Get Marry....
not for yourself,

but

for the future of your children
, they are getting late 4 school n fees r increasing day by day;-)

"For all bachelors"




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